Parents have a fate with their children, and talking well is the best way to practice.
recently, there is a topic of "new type of domestic violence", which makes people cry.
some people are still children who suffer from depression early and lose hope for life because they have been scolded by their parents for a long time.
some people have just reached adulthood and are duty-bound to apply for admission to a university thousands of miles away in order to escape the contempt and ridicule of their parents.
some people have got married and started a career, but still can't wait for praise from their parents, and they are always afraid to meet and communicate with their parents.
the verbal injury caused by parents has left a wound in the hearts of countless people and has become an unspeakable pain.
however, many parents know nothing about it and still take it for granted.
domestic violence is not only a violent beating, but also a long-term verbal abuse and negative crackdown that is more painful than physical injury.
the closest person, saying the most poisonous things
once I ate in a restaurant. At the next table sat a mother and daughter. The girl was about 7 years old.
the mother helped the girl with her homework while waiting for the meal. Before the food was served, the mother was furious, threw away the exercise book and scolded the girl:
"Why do others not know you for the same question? Raising a pig is smarter than you. "
the girl stood upright, her eyes fixed cowardly on the ground, wanted to cry but dared not cry and could only sob secretly.
Mother continued to reprimand: "what are you aggrieved?" Are you the stupidest person in the world? "
the girl dared not retort, but said again and again in a childish voice, "Mom, I'm sorry!" Mom, I'm sorry. "
but my mother was not soft-hearted, but her face was even more ferocious: "what's the use of sorry?" If I were you, I might as well die if my grades were so bad. "
the girl's face flushed and dared not speak until her mother answered the phone and left briefly before she finally cried.
I can't imagine that a girl's self-confidence and self-esteem are so mercilessly trampled underfoot by her mother.
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I have heard a saying: "there is a kind of violence that does not leave scars on people's bodies, but it can cast an indelible shadow in people's hearts, and even destroy a person's life." This is verbal violence. "
parents can give their children a clear sky or a dark night. Different memories are all between words.
verbal violence is a knife that kills people without blood. You think it doesn't hurt, but reality hurts people deeply. You think it's okay, but it already leaves a shadow.
parents are the closest people to their children and should not use their soft tongues to say the most vicious things.
domestic soft violence is a chronic PUA
someone on the Internet asked: "what happens if you are subjected to verbal violence by your parents for a long time?"
blogger Cheese replied: I have an inferiority complex, depression, flattering personality, fear of socializing, loneliness, glassy heart, sensitivity, fear of getting into trouble, and terrible empathy.
they easily hurt me to the bottom of my heart, and they can also make me cry when talking and laughing. I love them and hate them at the same time.
in this regard, many people expressed empathy, and one of the netizens also said: "my parents never praised me since I was a child, but only insults and demands."
when netizens didn't do well in the exam, my father said angrily, "if I can't find a job, I'll go out and sell it later."... "
when they saw that other people's children knew all kinds of talents and musical instruments, their parents immediately reprimanded them: "Why don't you do nothing? take a bowl and go out and be a beggar!"
netizens like to draw and show their own paintings to their father, but his father shows no mercy: "what is the use of painting, there is no prospect, and the result is so poor."
even when netizens put on new clothes, their parents sometimes say, "people are ugly in everything."
every time she is abused by her parents, netizens doubt the value of her existence. In the long run, she becomes more and more introverted and has a stronger sense of inferiority.
until now, when they grow up, netizens are still afraid of interacting with others, and no matter how well they do, they feel unworthy of praise.
Professor Martin of Harvard Medical School has made corresponding follow-up observation, and the results show that
Children are constantly subjected to verbal violence, and the hippocampus and callus in the brain continue to shrink, resulting in a decline in memory and reaction speed, while the amygdala is repeatedly stimulated, making it possible for them to live in fear for a long time.
the lethality of verbal abuse is far more than superficial intimidation, but also continues to cause physical and mental harm.
as the heartbreaking saying: "if you scold your child, he will not stop loving you, but he will give up loving himself."
parents abusing their children for a long time is not only a kind of soft domestic violence, but also a chronic PUA.
all harsh words will quietly infiltrate the bone marrow, constantly eroding the child's dexterity and loveliness, making him lose the ability to love life and himself.
when childhood leaves irreparable pain, the child's world will be shrouded in layers of dark clouds, and there will be no cracks to penetrate the light.
kind parents cure their children all their lives
Children grow up in different environments and show very different states.
foolish parents always like to use verbal violence to educate their children and do more harm to their children.
Smart parents know better how to get along with their children and let their children grow up healthily.
fans ask Denton why he is so optimistic. Dunton said it was because of his mother, he also shared an unforgettable memory.
when I was a child, Dayton's grades were always excellent. Basically, my mother would be praised by the teacher every time I held a parent meeting.
but once in an exam, Dayton played abnormally and did so badly that he was embarrassed to tell his mother.
Mom went to the school for a parent-teacher meeting, and when she heard the teacher pronounce Dayton's name, she habitually went to the stage to receive the award.
the teacher then said that it was another classmate of the same name in the class who won the prize, not Dayton.
Mom had to walk out of the stage in front of everyone, and you can imagine how awkward the scene was.
if other parents could not escape a scolding, but instead of blaming him, his mother teased him and asked him, "is there another person in your class named Wang Tao?"
Dayton was almost moved to tears at that time, and he has studied harder ever since. He also said that his mother never put too much pressure on him.
it is precisely because my mother has given enough trust and support that Dunton has the motivation to win a double degree in English and French.
it is precisely because my parents have given full love and tenderness that Dayton is particularly optimistic and cheerful, with a smile on his face.
think of the concept of "kindness and firmness" advocated in the book "positive discipline":
the main idea is to discipline children without punishment and arrogance, so that children can grow up in a kind and firm atmosphere, so that they can develop self-discipline, a sense of responsibility, a sense of cooperation, and their own ability to solve problems.
with enough respect, the child can be confident and confident, and the child will have the courage to venture boldly.
kind parents are the treasure of their children's hearts. The respect and encouragement you have given will cure the whole life of their children.
We often say, "if parents love their children, they have far-reaching plans for them." the more far-reaching the love is, the more indiscreet it is.
the best gift that parents can give their children is not wealth and a smooth road ahead, but a healthy heart and a happy childhood.
parents and children, talking well is the best practice
Bi Shumin wrote in "Home ask":
"A sick family, like walking on thin ice, is all a tragedy.
if you can't break the hinges effectively, this kind of family that will hurt people, like tenacious barnyard grass, will be handed down from generation to generation, causing endless harm. "
the wrong way of getting along is contagious. You don't make your children feel loving, and it's hard for your children to be loyal and filial piety.
parents have a fate with their children, and talking well is the best way to practice.
be kind to children and children, they will be in full bloom; plant sunshine to children, and they will give back warmth.
the family is warm and loving, and the children are happy and healthy. Even if the years are long, they can't stop bumping into happiness.
, may you and I both turn into a ray of breeze and accompany our children to grow slowly and cross many hills.