It is the best self-protection and self-esteem to pay seven cents and leave three points to love yourself.
Mr. Shanyin Sutra once said, "those who are not exquisite in spirit, but whose home is unlucky." There is no hostility, but the family is not in decline. "
the relationship between families needs to be managed carefully. A home without kindness is like a house without a roof, which can't give sense of security to people.
to run a family, you not only need to be willing, but also need wisdom.
three or seven points in case of trouble is the wisdom to get along with your family.
three points of communication, seven points of tolerance
psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., conducted a 40-year study of marital relationships in which nearly 700 couples participated.
I was impressed that there were two couples in the lab.
A couple got into a fight because their husband forgot to refuel the car.
No one is willing to calm down and communicate, and there has been a cold war.In the end, this little thing, coupled with the accumulation of long-term discontent, became the "trigger" for the breakdown of the marriage.
another couple, the husband regards his work as his life, and is always perfunctory by him whenever his wife wants to communicate with him.
in the long run, she felt that her husband didn't care about her at all.
in fact, the husband works hard for his wife to live a better life.
data show that 80% of marriages die from "no communication".
A good relationship requires both the patience to communicate with each other and the wisdom to tolerate each other.
A self-media author once shared a story.
when my friend Xinxin was shopping, he came across a wealth management company doing publicity.
she listened to the staff's propaganda, took out 100000 yuan from her savings to buy the house and invested it, and she was looking forward to getting a 20% profit the next year.
half a month later, Xinxin went out to run errands. When she passed by, she was dismayed to find that the company had been empty.
Xinxin realized that she had made a big mistake and called her husband in tears.
my husband didn't say a word of reproach, but just kept comforting her: "never mind, we can make more money without it."
some people say that the more inclusive a family is, the more prosperous it is.
A really good family relationship is when both husband and wife learn "three points of communication and seven points of tolerance."
be tolerant of everything and never spend the night with contradictions. No matter how big a conflict is, it can be reduced to minor matters.
three points sober, seven points confused
someone in Zhihu once asked, "what is the ultimate secret of a happy family?"
there is a high-praise answer with only four simple words: "Don't fight for right or wrong."
you don't understand until you get older that you don't have to win or lose everything by right or wrong.
Life is like drinking, three times sober and seven percent drunk.
CEO talked about such a story when she talked about her grandfather.
their family's financial conditions are all right, but Grandpa just wants to take a free kilo of eggs against a strong wind of Grade 8 in Beijing, and won't listen to any advice.
at first, the whole family was always blushing about it.
later, thinking about the hard times the old man had experienced, they began to understand him slowly. It was more important for the old man to be happy than to buy eggs.
but for the sake of safety, the mother, who couldn't take off, came up with an idea to get her grandfather to give up getting eggs.
she went and said to her grandfather:
"you see, it doesn't take so much time to be so busy every day. There is no time at all to understand the situation at home and abroad. Why don't you do her a favor and cut out the valuable parts of People's Daily and the Economic Daily every day, so that she can quickly understand the recent situation when she comes home every day. What do you think? "
in this way, the old man will never pick up that kilo of eggs again. He doesn't go anywhere every day, so he makes clippings at home.
the ancients said, "Don't be crazy or deaf, don't be a family man."
which family does not have some ups and downs?
Home is not a place to be reasonable. If you always haggle and blame each other, it will only aggravate the war.
innocuous little things, each other "pretend to be deaf"; do not hurt the elegant details, many "pretend to be blind".
after all, the big winds and waves in life are few, and the warmth that melts in firewood, rice, oil and salt is the most moving.
being sober about big things and confused about small things is the secret of a family's happiness.
three points of advice, seven points of respect
the parents of writer Zhang Defen have been looking at Jackie Chan.
in that year, when she applied for a university volunteer, Zhang Defen wanted to study Chinese, because she loved literature since she was a child.
parents disagree: "only by filling in business administration can business students be competitive."
although she studied business administration, Zhang Defen was very unhappy.
as for marriage events, parents naturally take more care of them:
"my mother participated in my marriage from beginning to end. When I was in college, she restricted me from having boyfriends. I hated her very much for a while. "
as a result, her first marriage was a failure, which worsened her relationship with her parents.
in the relationship Garden of upbringing, Bi Shumin said something like this:
"learn to be close to our parents and listen instead of following orders;
is closely related to the lips and teeth of the people we love, but not confused;
We are both teachers and friends with our children, loving and unarranged. "
A good family relationship has its own sense of proportion.
care for each other, do not interfere with each other; be independent and respect each other.
YangJiang said such a thing in "the three of us".
when Qian Zhongshu was teaching at Tsinghua University, his father wrote repeatedly asking him to go to Lantian as head of the English department to facilitate the service of his sick father.
Yang Jiang believes that the job at Tsinghua is not easy to get, and Qian Zhongshu has been working for less than a year, so he should not change jobs.
but Qian Zhongshu and his family all thought that he should go. Yang Jiang thought it over and decided to respect Qian Zhongshu's choice.
"A person's provenance is a major event in a lifetime. When it is up to me to choose, I can only state my truth and should not interfere."
she knew very well that Qian Zhongshu had made up her mind to go, and it was important for her to consult herself, so she could not rely on this importance to interfere in his life.
true love is never about changing each other, but about respecting each other.
Hellinger, a master psychologist, once stressed: "A good family must have a sense of boundaries."
the clearer the boundary, the more comfortable you are with your family, the more you can make a virtuous circle of love and make your family more gentle and affectionate.
for those who lack a sense of boundaries, it is often difficult to obtain long-term and stable relationships.
three points love yourself, seven points give
there is a word in psychology called "Beber's Law".
means that when people experience a strong stimulus, the stimulus they give becomes insignificant.
Gu Manlu is the saddest woman in Zhang ailing's works.
at the age of 17, Manlu's father died suddenly.
at that time, there were grandmothers in the family, brothers and sisters at the bottom, and mothers sandwiched in the middle were not good at making money.
for the sake of the family, Manlu gave up her first love Zhang Yujin and wronged herself to become a dancer.
her younger brother despised her work and insulted her. She wanted to slap her in the face, but finally put up with it.
turn around and continue to run around in the wind and moon market, while maintaining the livelihood of the family, but also mentally calculate the expenses of the family's brothers and sisters to go to school.
Manlu, who wronged himself for his family, made plans for everyone, but did not think about how he should live his life.In the end, he was tortured and lost his life.
this reminds me of the blogger
@ Summer MO
said: "after the age of 30, be a seven-point woman."
between family members, it is just right to love yourself in three ways and love others in seven.
@ Summer MOQiu Ru, a friend of
, is such a person.
Qiu Ru has always felt that the family needs the shared responsibility of two people, and it should not be just one of them.
even if it is just housework, she will often share it with her husband.
usually, she will also set aside time for herself to grow and add value.
after work, she often goes to learn to dance. On weekends, when her husband is still sleeping in, Qiu Ru has settled down the chores of the family and set out with her fellow mountain climbers.
Ding Limei wrote in her book "the Wind will remember the fragrance of a Flower"
"if you love someone, it is enough to love seven points, and you still have three points to keep and love yourself."
the so-called wisdom is bound to hurt, love is not longevity.
it is the best self-protection and self-esteem to pay seven points and leave three points to love yourself.
French philosopher Montaigne said: "it is a great achievement in life that one can live in harmony with his family."
when people reach a certain age, they will understand that it is the family that really determines the quality of life.
only when you get along with your family, tolerate each other, play dumb reasonably, give appropriately, and always respect, can you be happy and happy for a long time.