It is the best thing for each other to see through, to see through and not to expose.
Bedbar, an ancient Indian philosopher, has a famous saying that has been around for a long time:
"being able to control your tongue is the best virtue."
people who interact with others and can't stop when they open their mouths seem to be eloquent, but in fact they are the most ineffective.
being able to hold back the desire for tongues is the cleverest thing for adults.
know people but not judge people
have read such a story.
Lao Zhang and Fa Xiao Lao Li meet for a drink and talk to each other.
after three rounds of drinking and in high spirits, Lao Zhang asked Lao Li, "have you known me for so long, do you think I have any shortcomings to correct?"
originally just asked casually with a smile, but unexpectedly, Lao Li really denounced each other's shortcomings:
"you have a bad temper, poor quality at cards, haggling, stingy, not adding new clothes for three or five years."
Lao Li is like a bamboo tube pouring beans, crackling out all the words in his heart.
across from Lao Zhang, his smile gradually disappeared and his eyes drooped.
what was supposed to be a happy party ended in discord.
Wang Xiaobo said: "the spatter of mouth foam is at a very low level to judge the value of others."
in life, not everything can be discussed bluntly.
sometimes a casual comment may spoil the fun of others; an unintentional judgment will bring an indelible shadow to the other person.
writer Liu Xinglong has loved literature since he was a child. After graduating from high school, he was assigned to work as a builder in the Chong Reservoir. When he got off work every day, other co-workers would meet to have fun everywhere. Liu Xinglong was the only one who stayed in the dormitory writing hard.
however, Liu Xinglong, who has just begun to try to write, is not yet mature and his manuscripts are often returned.
whenever the manuscripts sent out are returned to the mailroom, the small factory of about 200 people soon becomes well known, and the workers are talking behind their backs.
at first, Liu Xinglong paid no attention to these gossips.
until one time, the manuscript was returned, and a worker shouted in front of everyone that he was not fit to write at all and that he was a useless "sitting at home".
this sentence deeply stung Liu Xinglong's heart.
he could not help but doubt his own ability, thinking that he was a "person with poor talent for writing" and even wanted to give up the road to literature at one time.
many years later, Liu Xinglong successfully won the Mao Dun Literature Award through his own efforts and relying on Skywalker, but the painful experience that had been belittled was still buried in his heart and could not be forgotten for a long time.
Mr. Qian Zhongshu said:
"those whispers are like gravel in rice or uncleaned thorns in sashimi, giving people an unexpected pain."
A casual remark is like a bullet that hits a human heart and is an insurmountable wound.
mature people all know how to know without saying anything.
other people's lives, for better or worse, remain silent.
other people's choices, right or wrong, should be respected.
Don't talk lightly, don't argue, don't comment, it's the best thoughtfulness to others, and also the greatest kindness to people.
the governor keeps quiet
in life, some people are always eager to express themselves, do not speak up when something happens, and completely ignore the feelings of others.
but the result is that the more you say, the more mistakes you make, and the more contradictions you create.
@ Wu Xiaowu
, told the story of one of his friends.
one day their company came to a group of customers, led by the boss to visit the company, he also followed.
everything went well at first, but as they passed the instrument control room, the guests saw two lights flashing on the dashboard and asked, "Why is this indicator flashing?"
the boss replied, "when the liquid reaches the critical point, it will not flash."
everyone suddenly nodded, but the friend standing by said coldly, "No, that light is broken."
for a while, everyone turned around and looked at the boss, who was instantly embarrassed, and the originally lively discussion suddenly cooled down.
as the old saying goes, a man lives a face and a tree lives a skin.
piercing everything is not called bluntness, but lack of vision. While embarrassing others, it will also put yourself in an embarrassing situation.
to learn to be silent at the right time and save face is the real high EQ.
educator Cai Yuanpei has been well-informed all his life and has made outstanding achievements in the field of education and aesthetics.
but he is such a great person, but he keeps a low profile and is modest and never opens his mouth to embarrass others.In 1935, an exhibition of famous Chinese paintings was held in London. Cai Yuanpei, Lin Yutang and French Sinology expert Paul Pelliot were invited to participate in the selection.
Paul Pelliot thinks he is a China expert, so he goes on and on in the museum:
"this painting has a good color. It looks like a famous painting!"
"I can tell at a glance that the Huizong goose is authentic. You may not understand. If you want to distinguish between true and false, you have to look at the seal and ink!"
"I like this landscape painting deeply, so I chose it!"
the huge museum is full of Paul Pelliot's boasting.
Cai Yuanpei, who stood by at this time, knew full well that Paul Pelliot was deliberately showing off and full of loopholes, but he only nodded gently and did not expose it.
There is a saying: "after much experience, you have to open your mouth, see through human feelings, but nod."
to see through the world is a kind of ability, but to know without saying is a kind of great wisdom.
A cultured person will never embarrass others between his words and deeds.
because they understand:
to save face for others is to earn face for yourself; to leave leeway for others is to earn world for yourself.
it is the best thing for each other to see through, to see through, and not to expose.
reason does not argue
there is a sentence in the Catcher in the Rye:
"Don't argue with a fool, or others will not know who is a fool."One of the signs of maturity is that you no longer insist on competing with others.
@ Lao Yang's owl
shared one of my experiences.
once, he wrote an article and published it online.
one person left a message in the comment area: "what kind of junk articles are you writing?"
hard-working articles are described as "rubbish", and Lao Yang is angry and anxious.
he replied angrily: "if there is anything wrong with my article, please point it out."
as a result, the other party said confidently, "who can watch this kind of rubbish?"
Lao Yang became more and more angry as he thought about it and made a long speech ready to fight back.
but before sending it, he suddenly smiled.
he realized that if he continued to argue, he would become a sucker who would only scold each other.
Zhou Guoping said: "Life should have uncompetitive wisdom." In many cases, the more you argue, the more arrogant others become.
instead of entangling it, choose to turn a blind eye.
on the variety show "our Master", Liu Yuning asked gourmet Cai Lan:
"what do you think if someone scolds you on the Internet?"
Cai Lan's answer was pungent and straightforward: "the biggest insult to each other is not to answer."
as the saying goes: if a dog bites a man, a man can't bite a dog instead.
you stand on the top of the mountain and tell him that there is an ocean ahead, but he can only see the desolation on the hillside.
if you stay where you are, you are wasting your own time.
it is better to go your own way than anything else.
Mr. Zhu Ziqing said:
"Silence is a philosophy of life, and when used well, it is an art."
what is needed in the adult world is not casual comments, condescending advice, or life-and-death arguments.
but with the right measure and the right silence.
Life is like chess, with no regrets. Listen more and speak less, and learn to shut up.
then restrain your tongue and treat each silence as a practice.