I hope we can all meet the right person and taste sweet in firewood, rice, oil and salt.
read audio aloud
A person will experience two families in his life.
one is a family from which one was born and raised, and the other is a family formed after marriage.
the two families are not separated and independent, but influence and bind each other.
many contradictions in marriage seem to be the problems of husband and wife, but in fact they are the problems of their original families.
if the original families of two people do not match each other, it will easily lead to disputes and conflicts and deplete the feelings between husband and wife.
Uncle wants to say that before getting married, you should inquire about these things about each other's family and know how to weigh carefully in order to have a happy marriage.
the relationship between parents
in many cases, the emotional state between parents will imperceptibly affect their children's ability to manage relationships.
Children who grow up in a family that tolerates and understands each other are born with the ability to "love".
Children who grow up in families that constantly blame each other and quarrel will become sensitive and depressed, and will have a more pessimistic attitude towards feelings.
once they have a quarrel with their partner, they will evoke painful memories, fall into negative emotions and are unable to face the problem positively.
when a person thinks from the bottom of his heart that "marriage is unfortunate", it is very difficult for Ta to find the motivation to resolve conflicts, even if he wants to break a jar and break it, bear it if he can, and leave if he cannot bear it.
even if they meet people who love each other, it is difficult for them to have confidence in each other for a lifetime.
if you meet such a partner, it will test your tolerance and need your understanding and encouragement.
if you don't have the patience to complain and blame, the marriage can easily fall apart.
in addition to a good state of mind, if you want to have a happy marriage, you must have an equal way of getting along.
in marriage, many people's attitude towards their partner is actually a reproduction of the way their parents get along with each other.
parents respect each other and live together on an equal footing. Children raised by such families will respect their partner in the future.
on the contrary, if the father doesn't respect his mother enough, he swears or even punches and kicks whenever he is upset.
people who grow up in this kind of family are likely to disrespect their partner and are used to solving problems by violence.
the study found that 30% of people who have witnessed their parents' domestic violence become domestic violence in adulthood.
some of these domestic violence people imitate their parents' mode of getting along with each other.
they don't know what communication is, and they want to hit people whenever there is a conflict, thinking that violence can solve all problems and "rationalize" their own domestic violence-this is the case in our family, so there is nothing wrong with me to do so.
while others, who experience the psychological trauma caused by domestic violence, become extremely sensitive and inferiority complex.
in their perception, only when the weak give in, tough people have a say, so they will unconsciously use violence to satisfy their desire for control.
in relationships, beware of people with extreme personalities and violent tendencies in order to protect themselves from harm.
parents' attitude towards their children
I'm sure you've heard the words "giant baby" and "mama's boy".
Children who grow up in an overindulgent family, even if they grow up and have their own families, can not do without the care of their parents.
maybe Ta looks like most people. Ta's obedience to you may even make you like Ta more.
but once there is a contradiction between you, the independent nature of Ta will be exposed, aggravating your contradiction.
when Ta doesn't know how to face the problem, he will subconsciously look at his parents and ask for their help.
it is obvious that there is a contradiction between you, but Ta wants to involve your parents;
it is obvious that it is a choice between you, but Ta insists on letting her parents make the decision for Ta.
and Ta's parents will rightly stand in the position of Ta, will not consider your feelings at all, let you feel aggrieved for no reason.
Reader Xiaoyan has come across a "mama's boy".
before she got married, she thought her husband was very good-natured and gentle, and seldom refuted her.
only after marriage did I know that this is the husband's greatest strength and weakness.
because his mother has taken care of everything for him since he was a child, he is used to keeping his fingers clean. Xiaoyan can only do all the housework at home.
if there is any problem between them, he will tell his mother as soon as possible, and he will repeat every detail to his mother.
any decision in the family should listen to his mother's advice, from having boys and girls to choosing the style of the sofa, it all depends on his mother's preference.
Xiaoyan's first child gave birth to a daughter, and her mother-in-law was unhappy and kept urging them to have a second child, and her husband never spoke for her. There was only one sentence on her lips:
"it's not easy for my mother, and I think she has a point, so just listen to her."
most of the time, Xiaoyan doesn't know whether she married the person in front of her or "married" her family.
Uncle wants to say that in marriage, on the surface, we are getting along with our spouses, but in fact we are repeating our relationship with our parents.
before you get married, don't ignore each other's parents' attitude towards Ta, which is likely to reflect the quality of your marriage.
the attitude of the other's parents towards you
A happy marriage is not only the love of each other, but also the love of each other's family.
just like Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu, both of them have been recognized by each other's parents and achieved an enviable love.
when they were in love, Yang Jiang once invited Qian Zhongshu to her home to meet her parents.
Yang Jiang's father chatted with Qian Zhongshu for a long time. Yang Jiang asked her father what she thought of Qian Zhongshu, and he only said, "people are smart."
Yang Jiang attached great importance to her family. It was only when she heard her father's comment that she finally felt relieved. When she wrote to Qian Zhongshu, she also said:
"it's really good if two people are happy and their families are happy."
the content of the letter happened to be seen by Qian Zhongshu's father, so he was very fond of Yang Jiang.
Uncle wants to say that the parents' affirmation of this relationship is the catalyst for a happy marriage.
although it is a choice for two people to get married, getting the recognition and support of their families can make their relationship more stable.
when husband and wife love each other and have the blessing of their parents, they can feel "double" happiness;
if you don't get the blessing of your parents, you will feel that this relationship is flawed.
when there is a conflict between husband and wife, the parents who support the relationship will reconcile it, let them face the problem rationally and give the marriage room to ease up.
parents who object to this relationship may sow discord and shake the couple's determination to go on.
some people may say that marriage depends on the management of two people, and as long as the two work together, they will not be influenced by outsiders.
but if your partner's parents don't like you and find fault with you, it will make it difficult for your partner to get caught in the middle.
when you meet a partner who is not firm and unwilling to speak for you, it is even more chilling and disappointing and consumes the relationship between you.
even if Ta is willing to be on your side, but it's not good to fall out with your parents, Ta will get tired of being a "peacemaker" for a long time.
Marriage is not a necessary choice in life. If you want to make a choice, please make the right choice and open your eyes to choose someone who is worth it.
to know each other is not to let your heart down for nothing, while to know each other's family is to add an extra layer of protection to your marriage.
only when they have deep feelings for each other, their values agree with each other, and the two families can live in harmony, can such two people come together to lower the threshold of happiness.
Marriage cannot escape the life of chicken feathers, but my uncle hopes that we can all meet the right person and turn the life of chicken feathers into a poem and taste sweet in firewood, rice, oil and salt.